Not Ready
by Deathangel125
Summary: Trowa wants something from Duo, but Duo isn't ready for what he wants. Will the L2 native ever be ready? TrowaxDuo, some slight angst
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The G-boys and Gundam Wing don't belong to me, duh. I'm sure everyone is already aware, but it has to be said anyway.

Warnings: Yaoi, some lime but nothing to give nosebleeds

Pairings: 1x4, 3x2

NOT READY

Shoving his way through the dense forest, Duo growled in frustration as his vision wavered, bracing against a rotting tree until he could see clearly again. Taking a deep breath, he glanced at the GPS he had shoved in his pocket, shaking his head as the numbers blurred. "Why in the hell do we hafta hide in the middle of nowhere?" he muttered, forcing his feet to move once again, feeling like lead weights were attached to his ankles.

"'Cause of the Gundams, you moron," he answered his own question with a fatigued sigh, not finding it the least bit odd to converse with himself. "'Sides, it's not like Heero or Wufei could fit in around normal people, but damn…it's so far."

He fell silent as the cool wind blew through the trees, slicing through his thin clothes like sharpened knives. Determined to make it back to the ramshackle house the other pilots were staying at, he turned his mind to the assignment he had just completed, allowing one sneer for the unknown man that had almost stopped him from blowing up the munitions warehouse.

Four days, four long days, of surveillance and research had determined the best zones to plant the explosives. Four days of camping in the wilderness with no equipment, no shelter, and no food had made Duo more than a little anxious to get the job over and done with. Not that he hadn't gone without all those things before, he had done without more often in his life than he had been graced with meals or a warm bed, but he resented being the one sent on this assignment while the other pilots holed up at the two bedroom house, where they had water, food, heat, and a roof. It might have been different if he had a controller, someone to send him orders like the other pilots had, but it hadn't been that way. The other pilots, mainly Wufei and Heero, had ordered him to take the mission, undoubtedly knowing the difficulties of the assignment, although they hadn't bothered to share any details.

With detached curiosity, he tried to think of what he would do first when he returned to the house. Take a shower? Nah. Eat? Probably not. Sleep? Not willingly. Drink a couple of gallons of water to offset his terrible thirst? Nope, he shook his head, pressing a hand to his side ruefully. He wouldn't even be able to tend to his wound until after he faced the dual power of the evil wonder twins, Heero and Wufei.

Raising a hand to his face, he could see the dark smears in the dim light of the setting sun as it filtered through the thick greenery, blood from the would that continued to bleed sluggishly. With a grunt he acknowledged he would have to get past the dark glowers of disapproval before he would be able to do anything else.

Wiping his hand on his dark pants, he worked up a tired grimace as he thought of the other pilots. Quatre was okay, usually willing to have a conversation when no one else could be bothered. Heero and Wufei both seemed determined to insult him at every opportunity; he was beginning to think of 'idiot' and 'moron' as endearments. Trowa…

Cursing as he tripped over something in the near dark, Duo managed to right himself before he plowed into the hard-packed ground with his face. With a groan of weariness, he staggered to his feet as he tried to figure out the tall, lean pilot of Heavyarms. Trowa never really spoke, unless it was to Quatre, though he did occasionally give Duo a short greeting of some kind, whether it was a head nod or a simple 'hello'.

Calling himself a fool, Duo admitted each of those words and short gestures left him weak-kneed and light-headed, much as he felt now for a very different reason. Telling himself there was nothing between him and the tall teen, and never would be, didn't stop him from wishing things could be otherwise.

If they had met under different circumstances, things could be different, right? If Duo was a little less noisy and Trowa could see him in a new way, would he be seen as less of an annoyance? Grinning despite the nausea, fatigue, hunger, and blood loss, Duo shook his head so hard the world tilted. "Get a grip, Maxwell. If we had met first he might pay attention to me, but it's unlikely. Maybe if I dye my hair blonde, cut it all off and try to seem innocent?" The somber call of an owl echoed through the forest, making him laugh in agreement, the sound carrying a hint of hysteria. "Yup. That wouldn't work. I might be a virgin, but I'm sure as hell not innocent. Wouldn't have a chance of pulling that one off. I like my hair, anyway," he told the unseen bird, wincing when the hair in question was snagged by a tree limb hanging down, the branches gripping like a skeletal hand. "There are times when short hair would be a lot less irritating," he threatened his own braid as if it was a living thing.

Spying the hulking shape of a barn over the tops of the trees, he let out a sigh of relief. "Unless I went the wrong way, that should be home." He stumbled out of the woods, laughing at his own words. Home. Home was where you were supposed to feel wanted and safe. For him there was no such thing as 'home' and there never would be as long as this damnable war continued. Hearing the mania in his laughter he cut it off quickly, moving his feet faster and wishing he hadn't when dizziness had him sinking to his knees, one hand pressed firmly against his side, the other holding his head in an effort to make the ground stop spiraling.

Rising carefully, he absently wiped his bloody hand on the grass to remove some of the blood and weaved toward the house. He could see the dim light of candles through the windows as he hauled himself onto the sagging porch, snickering as it creaked with his weight, announcing his presence.

Forcing himself to stand straight, he grinned when the door flew open and he was faced with the barrel of Heero's gun, the owner of said weapon staring at him coldly. In spite of feeling like he was going to fall over any second, Duo used his clean hand to give a sarcastic salute, "Honey, I'm home!"

Eyes glinting in displeasure, Heero grunted and moved aside, lowering the gun as Duo moved through the doorway. "Was your mission a success?"

Seeing the other three pilots in the tiny den, Duo jerked his head in greeting before answering Heero's query. "Nope. Decided it would be better for Oz to keep their weapon stash. Instead of blowing them up, we built a campfire to roast marshmallows and sang Kumbaya."

"Must you always have an attitude, Maxwell?"

Turning his eyes to Wufei, sitting on one end of a worn couch, Duo asked sweetly, "Must you always have that stick up your ass, Chang? If you took it out you might be able to walk without your cheeks clenched together so tight that you squeak."

Wondering why these two seemed to hate him so much, Duo acknowledged he didn't have the energy or strength to fight Wufei right now. Ignoring the way Wufei rose from the couch and stalked across the room toward him, Duo sighed heavily, "Mission accomplished, Heero. The weapons are gone, just like the hundred or so Oz personnel that worked there. Satisfied?" he glanced at Heero, frowning as he saw a stunned expression. A peek at Wufei revealed the same look of shock, but he was far too tired to decipher its meaning.

Fighting the need to press a hand to his side, he stuck his blood-stained hand in his pocket so it would be concealed, looking past Wufei to where Quatre and Trowa still sat, watching him silently. "My stuff still here, or did they toss it hoping I wasn't coming back?" he jerked a thumb at Heero and Wufei, both now standing beside him. "I'm guessing they sent me on a nearly impossible mission for a reason."

"Duo, no one wanted you to…" Quatre trailed off as he glanced at the teens standing at Duo's side, apparently unsure Heero and Wufei didn't wish he would disappear. "We managed to clean out one of the other rooms so there is a third bedroom."

"Got it," he shrugged, assuming he would have a room to himself. It was better that way, he knew, though the realization he was disliked hurt as badly as the physical pain he was in. "If Oz comes knocking at the door, do me a favor and leave me here, okay? I'm going to bed and I'd be better off with them than you two."

"You need to debrief us on what happened," demanded Wufei, anger making itself known once again.

Too tired to come up with a witty comeback, Duo stuck his middle finger up at the dark-eyed teen. "Stuff it, Wufei. Obviously, I work best alone and that means I don't have to tell you shit."

A stunned silence filled the room as he trudged away, heart aching while his wound throbbed painfully. He had tried to get approval from the other pilots, but it seemed no matter what he did, Heero and Wufei always found a way to cut him down, each verbal attack slashing across his soul and leaving deep scars.

The short hallway seemed to be miles and he needed to find the room designated as his before he collapsed, unwilling to show weakness when he was so detested. Gritting his teeth when he stumbled, he slowly moved one foot in front of the other, peeking into the two rooms he came to and bypassing both since there were two beds made from blankets on the floor, determined not to ask for help, no matter how badly he needed it.

A hand on his arm had him jerking in surprise, toppling into the wall as he lost his footing. When the supporting hand steadied him, he blinked up into emerald eyes. "How's it goin' Trowa?"

"Our room is here."

Duo's eyebrows shot up, disappearing underneath his bangs. "Not really interested in touring yours and Quatre's room right now, man. I just want to lie down."

Ignoring his argument, Trowa steered Duo into the room he had indicated, closing the door behind them. "Not mine and Quatre's. Yours and mine."

The room was lit by candlelight, allowing him to see his own bag sitting in the floor beside a make-shift bed. For several long minutes, Duo wondered what deranged movie he had been plucked down in. After a moment, he gave a nod of comprehension, "Drew the short straw and got stuck with me, did you?"

An odd expression on his face, Trowa took Duo's arm again. "Quatre and Heero took a room together. I chose to let Wufei have a room for himself."

Realizing he was being led to the 'bed' with his bag, Duo attempted to pull away with little success. If he sat down on the mound of blankets the blood from his wound would soak the light-colored cloth in a matter of minutes. "I appreciate you keeping Wufei from disemboweling me. I'll try not to be a bother. I'd really just like to sleep. It's been a long week."

Trowa finally stopped beside the bed, turning to face Duo. "Let me see?"

"See what?" The smile Duo attempted turned to a gasp when Trowa yanked his shirt up to expose his side. "Damnit, Trowa. What the fuck?"

"No fucking involved…for now."

Certain he was hearing things induced by fatigue and blood loss, Duo remained perfectly still as Trowa eyed the gash in his side, partially hidden by the black pants he wore, glad he had had at least a change of clothes with him to put on after his had been ruined in the fight he had gotten into. When hands went to the clasp of his pants, he jumped away, regretting the sudden move when the floor lurched under his feet. "Whoa, buddy. You're not getting my pants off that easy. A date first would be nice," he teased, hoping to slow his heart before it pounded its way out of his chest or he passed out from blood loss.

Trowa's eyes were steady and unwavering as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Either you take them off or I will. We'll date later."

Duo forced a laugh until he realized Trowa didn't seem to be joking about the first statement. He didn't know how to react to the second comment at all. "I really can take care of myself, but thanks for the offer."

"The pants, Duo." When he hesitated again, Trowa reached for him, unbuttoning the black pants before he was able to evade. Feeling fingers on his zipper, he shot one hand out to hold the flap together.

"All right. I'll take them off, but can you turn around or something?"

"I don't see what the problem is. I've seen you in shorts before. You've nothing to be ashamed of, Duo."

With no idea how to take that comment, the remainder of the blood he had rushed from the rest of his body to his face. "I'm not ashamed, but I don't have shorts on."

There was a split second where Duo thought he saw interest in Trowa's visible eye, gone so quickly he must have imagined it. "Duly noted, now take off the pants. You have five seconds and then I'll take them off myself."

"I can deal with the cut myself," he insisted, focusing his gaze on his feet in an attempt to control his abruptly raging hormones, not the least dampened by the notion he could be slowly bleeding to death.

"Quatre has seen you naked. What's the difference?"

_Because I didn't want to jump his bones_, was Duo's thought. Aloud he evaded, "It just is."

His eyes, still fastened to the floor, widened as a shirt fluttered down to land in a pile. Hearing a zipper, he jerked his head up to discover Trowa calmly removing his own clothing, pants sliding easily over feet that only wore thick socks. "What are you doing?" he squeaked, hoping he wasn't drooling at the sight of the tanned chest, more developed than his own.

"I thought you would be more comfortable if I wasn't clothed," replied Trowa, fingers sliding under the elastic band holding up his briefs.

All the blood that had rushed to his face abruptly headed south. "I think I'm gonna pass out," he muttered. "Please don't take those off," he pointed to the red briefs, **red** for god's sake, shakily, his focus captured by the prominent bulge straining the cloth.

He knew he was staring but couldn't seem to stop himself even as the bulge swelled, the tip of Trowa's erection peeking out from the waistband. "Take your pants off, Duo," he was commanded in a soft voice.

Fingers that were calloused yet strangely gentle pried his hand away from where they gripped his pants closed. As hands smoothed them down his legs, Duo tried to put the sight of Trowa's near-naked body out of his mind, concentrating on himself as the cool air of the room wafted over his bare skin. "You have nothing to be ashamed of," Trowa repeated quietly. "Lie down, Duo."

Too stunned to do anything but obey, Duo let hands guide him until he was lying on his side. Biting his tongue to get his brain working again, he reasoned Trowa hadn't really been turned on, not by a scrawny little nobody like himself. All of the pilots were teenagers; they all had hormones running around, making them do strange things and reacting in strange ways.

Something wet swiped across the wound, so he focused on that, ignoring the raging hard-on he had, fighting the instinct to cover himself as much as possible with one hand. Other than Trowa's even breathing and his own erratic gasps, which he attributed to pain and not to the fact he was more turned on than he could ever recall being, the room was silent and still as Trowa cleaned the wound.

As he felt thread being pulled through his skin, he winced at the uncomfortable sensation, "Not even gonna offer me a shot to numb the pain?"

"All I have is morphine and I know you don't like to use it."

The calm statement had him jerking again with surprise, hissing when a hand steadied him, warm on his cool skin, fingers gripping his hip gently yet firm at the same time. "How do you know that?"

"I know a great deal about you, Duo. I've been watching you, waiting."

Duo frowned as he heard a snip, signaling the end of the stitches. "Waiting for what?" he dared ask as a bandage was firmly taped to his side.

Behind him, the blankets shifted, but he dared not move. When warm breath ghosted over his neck, he fought a groan at the foreign sensation. "Waiting for a chance to speak to you alone, away from the others."

"Talk about what?"

There was no way to stop the ragged moan that slipped from his mouth when a hot tongue trailed over his exposed shoulder, teeth lightly nipping his skin. "That should be obvious. Us," Trowa informed him softly.

"There is no us," he retorted, eyes threatening to roll back in his head. "You've barely talked to me before now."

"You avoid Heero, Wufei, and me. The only person you don't hide from is Quatre."

Mention of the blonde brought up a new set of questions. "I thought you and Quatre had a…thing."

"I never wanted him, or he me," Trowa sat up on one elbow, leaning over Duo and looking down at him with an intense gaze. "If we had a…thing, he would be here instead of you, wouldn't he?"

"So you and Quatre aren't…this is insane." Weary, Duo tilted his head up to regard the teen stretched out behind him. "This is a nice fantasy and all, but you've got to be serious for a minute. I'm not going to have sex with someone just because they decide to be nice to me. I know you guys can't stand me."

With a frown, Trowa studied Duo for a moment before looking away, one hand absently trialing across Duo's hip, just underneath the fresh bandage. "I don't talk a lot, Duo. I have a hard time trying to find the things I want to say. Where I come from…words don't have a lot of meaning. If there was something that needed to be said, it was done with actions. I've been watching you, trying to figure out the best way to make you understand. While you were gone, I finally understood you need the words if you are to see what I want you to."

Touched by the soft explanation, Duo shifted to lie on his back. While he was uncomfortable with his nudity, he didn't mention it as he realized Trowa was likely even more uncomfortable sharing his thoughts this way. "What do you want me to see?" he asked softly as Trowa's eyes moved to scan his body.

Not looking at Duo's face, Trowa took a deep breath, "I think you're amazing. I would like a chance to know you better."

Assuming the other teen was talking about sex, Duo sighed heavily, "I'm a virgin, Trowa."

Startled green eyes met his. "You're a virgin?"

"Not everyone from L2 is a whore," he grumbled, stunned at the sudden pain in his chest.

"I never thought you were," Trowa told him with such sincerity it was impossible to doubt. "It's not what I meant. You're just so…beautiful."

"I'm scrawny and scarred; not the best prize in the universe."

Duo stared wonderingly at the shy smile that crept across Trowa's mouth as he leaned down to Duo's shoulder, tongue swiping a thin line of scarred skin Duo had worn for years as a reminder of his rough youth. "Beautiful," Trowa whispered quietly, the words a hiss of air, performing the act over other scars he could reach without shifting Duo. "Each scar tells a story. They make you no less beautiful."

Though his body was on fire from the brief caresses, grey and black began to dance across his vision. He pressed his eyes tightly closed, wanting to discover what Trowa wanted from him, fearing he would wake up to find the whole interlude nothing more than a figment of his own over-taxed mind and desperation for some human contact.

Apparently, Trowa noticed the movement. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. What did you want to tell me?" Duo questioned, forcing his eyes open again.

After studying him a moment, Trowa shook his head. "I should have realized how tired you are. We can talk about this later. Sleep."

"But I want to know." The entreaty would have been more firm if his eyes hadn't already been closing, Trowa rubbing the long-haired teen's arms to help him relax.

"Later, Duo, I promise I will tell you everything you want to know. Right now you aren't ready to hear what I have to say and understand it."


	2. Chapter 2

Warnings and disclaimers in first part

Bleary and disoriented, Duo opened his eyes to discover darkness around him. It took a moment to recall his arrival at the safe house, mind working slowly as an effect of his earlier blood loss and weariness. It took another moment to remember the strange interaction with Trowa and he sighed deeply. Obviously, it had been a dream due to his condition. Still tired but in need of food, he shifted on the bed, freezing when a soft voice spoke from just behind him. "Where are you going?"

Unable to penetrate the inky blackness with his eyes, he whispered hopefully, "Trowa?"

"Did you think I would leave you?"

"I thought I was dreaming," Duo admitted.

There was a moment of silence as an arm snaked around his waist, carefully avoiding his most recent wound. "Do you dream of me often?" Trowa breathed on his neck, voice husky from sleep.

"Yes," he said softly, unconsciously pressing his body into the other teen's warmth. If this was a dream like so many others, he decided to make the most of it; certain he would wake alone either in the forest or in an Oz cell, dying. "I dream about you."

"Then I have a chance of getting to know you?"

"What do you want to know?" Deciding this dream was more pleasant than his life, he ignored his hunger, a trick learned on the lean streets where every meal was a battle in its own right.

"I want to know everything," Trowa replied, calloused fingers stroking Duo's chest softly. "Tell me everything."

Duo didn't know if he actually shrugged or just thought he shrugged. "Not much to tell, really. L2 orphan, ran with a gang for a while, lived at a church for a while. Eventually I hid on a ship to get the hell out of there because some people were unhappy with me and met up with Howard. Howard introduced me to G and the rest is history."

He experienced a sense of loss when Trowa removed his arm and moved on the makeshift bed. He frowned at the sound of foil, blinking when something was pushed into his hand. Experimentally, he sniffed at it, "Ration bar?"

"You seem to prefer them when you haven't eaten. I also have some water, juice, and an orange for you."

With his eyes finally adjusting to the darkness, Duo sat up carefully and stared at the man leaning back on the mound of blankets beside him. Their bare legs brushed together, reminding him neither of them were fully dressed. Swallowing hard, he let his gaze wander the naked chest as he took a bite of the ration bar. "Thanks, for everything. This means a lot to me."

Glancing at Trowa's face, he found green eyes studying him, shining in the dim light. "You don't like talking about yourself," the tall teen observed. "Why not? Why do you avoid personal questions?"

Contemplating his reply, Duo finished the ration bar, gratefully taking the water held out to him. "I don't like answering questions. I don't like talking about my past, or the people I lost. I guess I don't answer questions because it helps keep everyone at a distance. As long as no one gets close, it won't hurt when they die," he reasoned.

"I think I understand that." Trowa stated, leaning on an elbow with a light blanket spread across them both. "Sometimes it would be easier to forget, wouldn't it? Live a life with no past to hold you back."

"If you don't have a past, how do you know who you are?" Duo countered with a smile, chuckling at Trowa's surprised expression. "I don't forget. I carry reminders of who I am and who I've lost every day."

Stroking a hand down the long braid, Trowa raised an eyebrow, "With this?"

Setting the empty water bottle aside, Duo nodded, stunned how well Trowa seemed to know him. "That and the scars I have from before the war started." Wishing the conversation over, he shifted his body, eyes growing wide when a rock-hard erection pressed against his leg. "Trowa, I want…I don't want…damnit, I don't know what I want," he blurted, confused by the excitement and fear warring inside him.

Trowa's teeth shone in the darkness as he smiled, moving his face closer to Duo's. "We won't be having sex, Duo. Not tonight or anytime soon."

"I thought you…I felt…you don't want me? You don't want to have sex with me?"

"You feel how much I want you, but not tonight. Not when you're wounded, tired, and confused. I have waited and will continue to wait."

"You're leaving me?" Duo asked, as baffled by the tangle of emotions as he was the needs of his own body.

A low chuckle answered his question as Trowa kissed his forehead. "Not tonight, but we both know we'll be separated as long as the war continues. Every chance we are together, I would like to be with you like this, until you understand what you want."

Tired of feeling like his emotions were on a roller coaster, he turned, ignoring the pain in his side as he plastered his body to Trowa's, the rigid member rubbing between his thighs. "What if I want you right now?" he demanded, using his tongue along Trowa's neck.

A ragged moan met his ears and he smiled to himself, thrilled at the reaction. Recalling what Trowa had done, he nipped the other teen's collar bone, soothing the bites with open-mouthed kisses. Wondering what else he could do to elicit a reaction, he nibbled on an earlobe, grunting in surprise when he found himself pinned under Trowa's body a second later. "I don't think you really understand what you're doing to me, Duo. I do know the little control I have is close to non-existent. I've watched you, I've wanted you, and I want you now. I want to slide inside your body and show you how much I desire you, but I will not take you while you are vulnerable and don't comprehend what I need from you."

Stunned by the unrestrained lust that shot through his body at the words, Duo wondered at himself, baffled by the yearning to have Trowa do exactly as the green-eyed teen had said. Fear of the unknown had him lying completely still, abruptly realizing the tremors he felt weren't from him, but from Trowa, telling of strain he hardly understood. Slowly, he lifted a hand to the thick fall of hair, running his fingers through it, amazed at the softness he discovered. "I've watched you, Trowa, and wished. I thought you couldn't stand me, like Heero and Wufei."

Lips touched his forehead gently before ghosting over own mouth, so light it couldn't even be termed a kiss. "I saw you looking at me a few times. It's what gave me hope." Trowa paused for a second to take a breath, as if bracing himself. "You should know Heero and Wufei worry about you when you're gone, Duo. They don't hate you. Heero said he chose you for the mission because your knowledge of explosives exceeds his. Wufei agreed."

Duo laughed at the joke until Trowa leaned back, allowing his face to be seen clearly. The pure shock he felt was mirrored by the strangled noise he made. "You've got to be kidding. Every time I try to be nice to one of them I get insulted in some way. I've tried everything I can think of to get their approval, but they say I'm unprofessional and stupid."

"They don't hate you, Duo. They don't understand you, but they don't hate you. I swear they don't."

"So what should I do, and why are we talking about them when we have more important things to discuss?"

"Try not to let your past experience with them cloud your reactions the next time you speak to Heero or Wufei. They're short-tempered and you get an attitude when you feel you have been insulted. From now on try to pretend you're talking to me or Quatre. And we're talking about them because I don't like seeing you hurt by anything, not even yourself." Trowa's eyes were intense as they stared down at him, "We're a team. It may not seem like it at times, but we are."

"I'll try, but if I keep getting shot down by them I'm going to give up. We're a decent team now, but we could be a great team if they would just give it a chance. I'll make more of an effort with my…skills, and less of an effort with my mouth, okay?" When Trowa chuckled softly he sighed at the sound of it, hoping to hear the sound again soon. "Will you explain what you want from me, other than sex? I can understand that part, kinda. I don't know why you would want me when you could have anyone, but I can be grateful for it."

Trowa was silent for so long he didn't think he was going to get an answer. When the other teen finally began to speak, Duo hesitantly rubbed one hand up and down Trowa's spine. "What I want is difficult to put into words, but I'll try. I want to know everything about you, your past, your hopes, your fears, everything. It isn't just physical, though that's part of it. I told you I want to be inside you, and I do, so much I dream of it." Duo flushed at the intensity of Trowa's eyes, the words again reaching deep in him and causing his stomach to jump in what he was beginning to realize was excitement. Trowa took another deep breath as Duo's nails scraped his spine, shivering slightly before he spoke again. "I can't tell you I love you. I don't understand what that means, not really, and I believe we're too young to feel that deeply. I can tell you I care for you deeply, so much it frightens me."

Relieved at the honesty, a trait most people used sparingly, Duo applied a little pressure to the back of Trowa's neck, asking for and receiving the kiss he was beginning to crave. Nothing about the kiss was demanding, even as a tongue probed against his lips. Wanting to know what it felt like, Duo opened his mouth, moaning softly as his mouth was searched, hesitantly letting his own tongue dance with Trowa's. When Trowa broke the connection, Duo smiled, "When we spend time together, can we do that some more?"

The green-eyed teen blinked in what could only be surprise. "You've never been kissed before?"

Embarrassed about his lack of experience, Duo shrugged. "I don't let people get close, Trowa. It's not an easy thing to let down my guard. That's something you might have to accept. I might not be able to give you what you want."

"I'm willing to try. There's no rush, Duo. Neither of us can commit until the war is over." Trowa kissed him again, just as gently as before. "I won't rush either of us into something we aren't ready for."

"You aren't ready for what you want?" Duo asked, mildly amused at the idea.

"I think I want everything from you. Like I said, I can't tell you that I love you, but I'm fairly certain I could with little effort."

Duo said nothing, trying to sort his scattered thoughts. He made a sound of loss when Trowa moved away, sighing when the other teen lay behind him, an arm snaking around Duo's waist. Duo got comfortable quickly, eyes closing despite his determination to keep them open. Against his ear, the low voice rumbled as he started to doze. "After the war is over, if we both live, find me. I'll be waiting for you. Perhaps then we'll both be ready."

The war was finally over. Duo didn't know how he was supposed to feel or act as he sat in Relena's sitting room, waiting for news of Heero's condition after the suicidal maneuver that would have killed anyone else. He barely acknowledged Quatre's sudden presence at his side until a cup of coffee was shoved into his hand. "He'll be fine, Duo. He's stronger than the rest of us."

"He's still human, Q. He still bleeds. He can still die, just like the rest of us."

Eight months after the first night he had spent sleeping in Trowa's arms, Duo was still amazed how the words from his almost-lover had helped him in dealing with Heero and Wufei. He had stopped making smart-ass comments every time there was a chance, instead letting his piloting abilities speak for him. He didn't know who was more surprised when he and Heero had formed a strange friendship, consisting of a mutual respect that had grown stronger as the months went on.

As a result of the odd relationship, Duo often knew of Heero's uncertainties the dark-haired teen kept hidden from everyone else, including Quatre. Duo admitted to himself the relationship between Heero and the gentle blonde had aided the leader of their team become more accepting of other's faults more than Duo's attempts, though he was willing to take some of the credit.

Pulling out of his own worries he glanced around the room, searching for the one person he needed to see. Not able to find the tall pilot, he worked on consoling Quatre, realizing the blonde was on the brink of an emotional breakdown, likely from trying to deal with his own concerns as well as Duo's. "You're right, Quat. If anyone has a chance of pulling out of this without any lingering effects, it's Heero. He'll be just fine."

As if his words were a signal, Sally Po came out of the room Heero had been taken to after his unconscious body had been recovered. Her face was weary from both the stress of the last battle and the search and treatment of Heero, but she was smiling, apparently pleased. Seeing Quatre wasn't going to say anything and Wufei was just staring at the woman, Duo forged into the silence that settled over the room. "How's he doing, Sal?"

"Considering he basically flew his Gundam thru a huge chunk of metal, the atmosphere, and hit the water at almost full speed, he's doing amazingly well. As it stands, Wing is going to need more repairs than Heero is." Putting a hand on Quatre's shoulder, she smiled down at the blonde, obviously aware of the relationship between the two. "He has a broken arm and a number of scrapes and bruises, but other than that, he's fine. He's getting dressed now. I think he's determined to leave before Relena gets to him."

"Can't blame him for that," snickered Duo, pleased Quatre's color was quickly improving. "How about it, Wufei? Can you help Q-man sneak Heero out of here before the princess finds him?"

Dark eyes focused on him for several seconds before Wufei got out of his seat with a nod. "You aren't coming?"

"I think it's time I returned to the colonies for a while. I've got some stuff I need to think about. We'll talk soon."

"You aren't going to talk to Trowa before you leave?" Quatre gave him a frown.

It had never occurred to Duo to hide the strange relationship he and Trowa shared, though he knew the others believed it to be more than it really was. True to his word, the tall teen had stayed with him every time they had a spare moment between fights, with long times spent apart between those short interludes. The nights had been spent in deep conversations and light touches, never going farther than some delving kisses that left Duo breathless and yearning for more. Each time it could have become more involved, Duo had informed Trowa he wasn't ready, unable to understand how he felt and unwilling to let Trowa get any closer than he already was, fearing losing the tall teen that already meant too much.

Smiling sadly, Duo shook his head, "If I know Trowa, he'll find me before I leave. I'll see you guys around. Tell Heero I said to take it easy, all right?"

On his way back to the boat Howard had docked in the harbor, Duo felt the hair on his arms suddenly stand up, the hair at the nape of his neck doing the same. Knowing who was watching him, he stopped and waited until he was joined. Without exchanging a word they continued to the ship, Duo waving when some of the crew called out greetings. Howard had been aware he would be uncomfortable staying in a hotel, so had offered Duo a room on the ship for as long as he wanted. Duo had quickly taken the man up on the generous offer.

Closing the door to the small cabin, he looked at Trowa directly. His confusion was overwhelming, but when Trowa opened his arms, Duo quickly moved into them. "Where were you? I…" he faltered, cursing his own inability to tell the tall teen he had needed the comfort only Trowa was able to give. "I missed you," he hedged, burying his face in Trowa's chest.

"I knew Heero would be fine," assured Trowa, arms tightening around Duo like he wanted to hold the smaller body in place forever. "I had to make some phone calls."

Wary, Duo tilted his head up to look at the taller teen, seeing the almost pained expression Trowa wore. "What kind of phone calls?"

"Arrangements for when I leave, Duo."

Momentarily stunned by the abrupt announcement, there was nothing Duo could think of to say. He had known they would go their separate ways, but had hoped to have at least a day or two together. Recovering from his shock, he lowered his head again, listening to the steady heartbeat in Trowa's chest. "You're going back to the circus?"

"It's the only place I have to go back to," Trowa said softly. Assuming that was the end of the conversation, Duo moved across the room, where he began shoving the few things he had into his tattered bag, wondering if he was as battered on the inside as it felt. He stopped moving when Trowa spoke again, ardently, "I want you to go with me."

Turning slowly, he saw the hope written on the other teen's features, his heart giving a brief jump of joy before he denied what he wanted. "I can't."

Trowa was suddenly holding his shoulders, green eyes intense as they pled silently. "I once said I didn't believe we were old enough to understand what love was. I was wrong, Duo. I love you. Do you understand that?"

Knowing honesty could only be answered by such honesty, Duo shook his head, stepping back so the hands on him would fall away. "I understand you feel that way, but I still don't understand what I feel. Until I know for sure, I won't do that to you. I'm not ready for what you want, Trowa. I don't fully understand what you want from me, but I want to find out." He was stunned to find he really did want to know, and comprehend. Offering a small smile, he continued, "I won't ask you to wait for me. That would be foolish and selfish. I just ask that you accept I can't be with you, not until I'm ready to open myself completely."

The smile Trowa gave him caught him totally off-guard, as did the way he was pulled to the other teen. Trowa tilted Duo's face up with fingers on his chin, kissing him as soft as a whisper. "You might not ask me to wait, but I will. There isn't anyone else for me, Duo. I've been waiting and I'll keep waiting until you're ready."

Astonished at his own luck, Duo held on tight for another moment before letting go reluctantly. "Will we keep in touch?"

"You have the phone number at the circus. Use it whenever you want until I can get a phone of my own. I'll get you the number for it as soon as I can. If you call me, I'll always answer, Duo."

Almost four years after that night, Duo found himself sitting in the crowd, watching each act with only a passing interest until Catherine came out, a silent clown emerging from the darkness behind her to take his place in front of the board that would be the target for the knives. Duo's first thought was that Trowa was even taller than he had been during the war, the shoulders much wider. The teen that had cared for Duo's injuries more than once during the relentless battles had grown into a man…a very attractive man.

Just as enthralled as the other spectators seated around him, Duo leaned forward, holding his breath as each knife was released, freeing it in a rush as it landed safely on the board with a thwack. As the act neared its end, Duo forgot about the red-headed woman, focusing all his attention on Trowa. He was pleased when he saw the slight tensing of muscles in Trowa's arms, the solitary visible green eye narrowing in concentration at the scrutiny.

As the pair took their bows amid a rousing round of applause, Duo sent one message, consisting of two seemingly simple words. '_Still waiting?_'

Moving back into the shadows, Trowa paused, stopping as the next act took its place inside the circle of spotlights. Duo used the opportunity to leave his seat, walking out of the tent with other spectators leaving the show early. Outside the air was thick with the mingling scents of humans and animals, covered with the cloying sent of sweetness drifting from the vendors that dotted the fairgrounds. He had no problem sneaking past the guards protecting the perimeter around the performer's trailers, smiling as his phone vibrated in his pocket.

The message, as expected, was one simple word, as it had been every time since he had sent the first message over three years ago. '_Always_.'

In the past, he had used the phone as a way to keep up with Trowa while he sorted out his own mind, ravaged by a war that had been part of his life for as long as he could remember. It was reassuring to know there was someone waiting for him, someone who believed he was worth waiting for. For four years, his next message had always been the same. 'I'm not ready.'

This time, however, his answer was different. Typing it out, he smiled at how easy it was to change your life by the omission of one simple word. Making sure he had typed it correctly, he sent it, crouching down to hide behind some barrels as a tall figure walked by, a small object grasped tightly in Trowa's hand.

Duo rolled his eyes when Catherine rushed out of the tent, calling Trowa's name. "Are you all right? You were tense at the end of the act. I was afraid I hit you."

"I'm fine. You didn't hit me."

The sound of the soft voice made a tremor run through Duo. It was lower than it had been the last time they had spoken, but it was the same voice that had comforted Duo when his world had been full of pain and doubt.

Catherine's tone took on a frustrated note. "It's him again, isn't it? He contacted you again for no reason. When are you going to move on and find someone worthy of you?"

"I know you don't understand, Cathy, but I'll wait forever if that's what it takes."

With a sound of irritation, the woman moved in the direction of her own trailer. Duo waited until Trowa began walking before following closely, but not closely enough to be detected. As he saw Trowa raise the phone to his face to read the last message, Duo held his breath. The gasp he heard was as pleasing as feeling his phone vibrate seconds later. '_Where are you_?'

Moving so he was in the open, Duo sent the last message he had already entered and stood waiting, letting his phone slide into his pocket, aware he wouldn't need it any longer to keep in contact with Trowa. He managed to remain calm as the tall man read the message, tucking the phone in his pocket as he took a deep breath and turned slowly, eyes full of cautious hope.

A long moment passed where they simply stared at each other, sounds of the circus fading away to Duo's ears. Suddenly, Duo's feet were moving, Trowa's arms open as he raced into them, jumping up to wrap his legs around the slender waist, grateful he had remained small. Their mouths met in a torrid kiss, one of lust, longing, and a love that had been denied for years. It was a kiss like Duo had never experienced before, all-encompassing and not nearly enough to sate his need for the tall man.

Breaking apart, Trowa kept his hands firmly around Duo so he couldn't move, ignoring the stunned stares from performers walking around them as he easily strode toward the trailer he called home. Knowing Trowa had his hands full, Duo pulled open the door, allowing them into the privacy of Trowa's sanctuary. A small fold-out table took Duo's weight as he was set down, large hands coming up to frame his face. "Do you understand what I want from you now, Duo?" Trowa inquired quietly, green eyes wary and full of anticipation at the same time.

With shyness he had never felt with anyone else, Duo nodded, repeating his altered message aloud. "I'm ready."

Joy had Trowa's eyes lighting up, the deep green changing to a light jade in an instant. "Are you sure? I won't ask for less than we both deserve."

This was what Duo had been working to understanding, observing people in all walks of life to make sure he would be able to offer what Trowa wanted. Reaching behind him, he tugged at the end of his braid, removing the band that held it together. As Trowa's eyes widened, he shook out his hair, hoping the other man would understand that with the gesture he was showing his willingness to let go of the worst parts of his past. "We deserve everything. I can't have everything without you, Trowa." A smile formed on his lips as a hand immediately dug into his hair. "I still might screw up, but only because I don't remember how to let someone into my life completely. I'm counting on you to make sure I learn."

"That's a promise," Trowa eagerly dove in for another deep kiss, his hands picking Duo up and maneuvering them toward the tiny bedroom in the back of the trailer.

When they landed in a pile of arms and legs on the bed, Duo used the chance to take a deep breath. "I have to tell you something else," he said quickly before losing his confidence.

Though Trowa kept the lower half of his body pinned to the bed, he rose up to meet Duo's eyes warily, bracing himself on strong arms, "What?"

"There are some other things you need to teach me, too. I'm still a virgin."

A sudden unexpected and feral grin spread across Trowa's lips as he lowered them to Duo's again. "I can promise you that, too. We'll practice until we get it perfect."


End file.
